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Some men are searching for the holy grail...
Well thee aint nothin' sweeter than riding the rail.
Well, friends, I have been unfair to not write again since my last post.   Minds changed and I went camping, and somehow was even joined by my marvelous girlfriend at the Dubliner to see Pete play.

Since then things have been fairly good.  Stressers are still quite active but I am dealing with them one step at a time for the most part. 

Pride was marvelous as always.  Saw a few people i know there, the basics.

Anyways just thought I'd let the world know that things are doing better across the board now.
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I'm at quite possibly the worst place mentally that I have ever been in my life.  For those of you I've known for a while, you know thats saying something.  The stress that I feel going through me on an almost daily basis is crippling at times and I honestly can't think of a way o reduce the causes of it.   Right now i feel like I need to:
-Find a Job
Try to get back into some form of college
-pack up my room to paint it
-prepare for baby
-learn about parenting
-Make time for Trish
-Do whatever I can for my parents, specifficly whatever it is they ask me to do for the day
-Get my brother rides if he needs them (between dropping off and picking up tyler, and my mother I spent a total of 2 or 3 hours in a car on wedensday)
-Find time for me

Honestly, If I were more organized I could maybe get it all done without the last one.  Right now I feel like I'm sacrificing 2 or 3 of them for the sake of the rest.  I feel like garbage without work,.  When I do get a job though 2 to three hours (at most) of looking for a job will go to eight hours of working.  Granted being told what to do and spending less concerns on how to make my time work will do a lot for the stress.

Lately I've felt like I'm giving in to the stress and finding wierd things to do to keep my mind occupied and off the stress.  Then I just feel like I've been neglecting the other things that I need to get done and it just gets worse.  If there's anything I need to and can change its this.

Right now Trish is angry at me and I think that complications with her family camping trip are [edit: part of the reason] why.  I really want to see O'brian and I know trish has been aching to get there.  There's a few problems though. Consider this timeline:

Around a month ago I found out that a musician that I haven't been able to see for at least a year and who could be another year taking to get back  might be playing here on monday.

Two weeks ago the schedule of a new game thats starting up was agreed upon.  It includes Sunday during the day

One week ago I found out about camping from sunday until tuesday.  I said I would come for what I could.  Honestly, I feel that this is the best I can do.  I would love to go from sunday evening to monday afternoon I think it would still be plenty of fun and I'd get my first taste of the park.  Tonight Trish informed me that she planned to stay all three days.  Which is fine.  I'm a little disapointed because I really wanted to introduce Trish to Pete, not only as the perfectly amazing musician he is, but also as the great guy he is as well.  Pete isn't just a musician that I really enjoy, quite fankly more than any other live act I've seen in my life, he's also someone I consider a friend.  But she needs to decide whats best for her.

Then she told me I shouldn't even waste the gas if I was barely going to be there.  That stung.  I really would like to be there for whatever I can, and I know getting to O'brian is important to her.  Trish is the love of my life; I hate letting her down in any way. I just would really prefer to not miss Monday night, it's something I'e been looking forward to an entire month and will only be there for one night.  I want to get to O'brian bad, but it'll still be there next week, and one day right now isn't looking that bad.

Well anyway I think I'm going to get back to cleaning my room cause I know sure as hell sleeping isn't on the plate until I'm just plain worn out now.  I just wish I could find a way to get back on top of things instead of steadily making them worse.

[EDIT]: after re-reading this I noticed I failed to point out one thing.  The reason this week is so important for camping is family friends coming.  I'd love to be there for that too, even though to be honest they're very new people to me and I'm quite frankly extremly uncomfortable in new groups that know each other so well.  I've considered trying to get the car and staying over, and a couple of times I've considered staying back and working on the room, especially since a few comments made by her mother a week ago made me feel like I'm unwelcome until it gets done.  I've instead tried to find a balance between everything and apparently thats not good enough on any front.  I'm in a big balancing act right now and quite frankly the thing slipping the most is my sanity.  When I make a choice that tries to balance out the various things on my plate, I get nothing but complaints about my lack of efforts on all fronts,a nd some of them valid, because like I've said I've been slipping.  When I make choices to focus on things I get just as many bad responses from singular sources. I feel like I am unable to make anybody happy, including myself.  I would consier adding therapy to my growing list of shit to do, but I doubt I could afford it.
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So, American Gladiators (which was quite awesome last night) is in the time slot before WWE Raw is War, which is great because the gladiators seem to be right out of professional wrestling.  3 hours of oiled up muscle.  Then bowling.  Score.
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So, I haven't posted much.  I've been a little more than lame these past few months as far as using my blogs to keep the world updated.  Anyways, my last post was on a hospital phone I think, so in case you didn't know, thats all done, it was just a bad asthma attack and now its done.

Anyways, New Years.  My resolutions this year consist of eating healthier and exercising more.  So far I have followed both, though I haven't gotten in my modest workout for the day.  I'll do it this evening.  I should probably resolve to use this a little bit more often because it helps to organize what I've been up to.  I should definitely journal privately more often too.  Journaling would probably help me look at my emotions and the like.  Anyways, I hope to use this more often now, as having posts form over a year ago on my main page isn't very fun.
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So, I have once again found myself head over heels (which is a ridiculous phrase, seeing as one's head is usualy over one's heels. oh hey, look it's our old friend, otterly useless sidetracking).  Anyways, head over heals.  And as always, you guessed it, I have done jack and shit to do anything about it.  Maybe it's time for that to change.  We'll see.

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I've been meaning to make this post for a week or so, it's slightly old news that you may not have heard as for some reason, no one is reporting on it.

Louisiana Judge (and alleged <by me> bigot), Frank Marullo, acquits Police Officer of police brutality charges stemming from the video-taped beating of 66 year old.  If you watch the video linked you'll also get to the point where he threatens the media member that is catching the beating on tape.

Robert Davis was booked with battery on a policeman, in one of those special instances when batterred by a policeman has been considerred a crime.

In trying to decide why no one has been reporting on this I have come up with only one conclusion other than apathy or fascist conspiracy: Coming out of Louisiana, racism is old news.

Current Music: Phil Ochs - Here's to the State of Mississippi

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There are few times that I am happy to be wrong, this is one of them.  The eye is looking much better, so I'm pretty sure its just an abrasion.  W00t!

There are also few times I am unhappy to be right, here is one of them.  Hamline, it seems has made its choice final.  They are infact giving their bookstore to a corporate entity rather than renewing Dave young's lease.  Total and utter bullshit. As I have vbeen continualy saying, Hamline advertizes itself as a Comunity and runs itself as a corporation.  When I do go back to school it will probably be a state school.  Private colleges are over-rated and over-valued.
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