Some men are searching for the holy grail...

4:21PM - Well that was cool

so today i stepped off the Hovver tam at my job and there was a gift for me. I though, "FOR ME? Woah! Thats some crazy ass shit." It turns out that my good freind Joe decided that i needed a new robot to do all of my automechanics, so i now no longer have to pay someone to fix my car. Oh and speaking of that, does anyone wnat to go drag racing at ozone level? it's quite the thrill.

3:14AM - You wanted the best. You got the best.

It has been far too long since I posted here last.  No, really.  In the time since my last post a relationship started and ended.  That's that.

More importantly, tonight was sweet!  I just went to my first Kiss show.  It's my new favorite concert I went to. It was awesome.  I bought cheap seat tickets for twenty dollars and thanks to a friend who worked there was alerted to empty seats to the side of the stage about twenty rows back.  The actual ticket holders eventually showed up, but for that first 30 minutes or so, I could feel the pyrotechnics and see Gene Simmons's tongue without the aid of video technology.  Besides, I made sure to get my tickets in the section that's dead center, so even being sent back there was alright.


Seriously though, tonight was awesome.  Kiss really puts on a good show.

2:40PM - The little things

Just re-read my bio again.  I forgot how wild the submissions for it were.  Brought one hell of a smile to my face.  Thanks guys, I know it was all written some time ago, but it still makes me happy.

7:09PM - Spirituality/Religion

So, as many of you know, I've been in a seeking stage of spiritual development for a while now. I've come to understand a lot of things about where i want to go faith wise on this journey. However, I realized this morning that I've never put them all down in one place. That's what this is. This is an attempt to list the things that are important to me as I start to hone my religious taste.

I am somewhat of a pantheist. I consider all things to have a touch of the divine. More importantly I consider life and the divine to be tightly woven fibers in the same tapestry. Without one, the other could never flourish.

I want something that is more than a 1 hour a week deal. I recognize that all religion is what you make it, but an emphasis in actions outside of worship, would be nice.

Music is a MUST. I love song and singing and I don't think I could enjoy my faith without it.

I want direction, but I can not thrive in a rigid mold. I would like my religion to have unifying ideals, but not so much dogma that there is no room for personal interpretation.

I don't mind the idea of having a specific deity or deities, but don't try to tell me they are the only correct option. That's a sure way to tell me I should stay the hell away from your faith.

I'm sure there are more, but that's really the big stuff. Anyways this is mostly to keep a public record of where I am and to have a place where the things I want out of religion are well organized. If you have anything to say about it, feel free. Comments from the peanut gallery are not only allowed, but encouraged.

Really what it comes down to now is research, research, research. With all the options out there I know I'll find a fit.

12:55PM - What to do when I'm so bored at work.

( I know! I'll steal a survey from Leah! )

Current mood: bored

11:13AM - 'Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it..."

If you've never seen 30 people in Golddust attire singing this song, you've never had the dream I had last night.  Hell, even if you have had that experiance you probalby missed the wrestlingmatch and the ropes. But if you have had all those experiances, please, tell me how the weding ends and who was getting married.  Anyway, that's neither here nor there.  If inquiring minds wish to know more, I might actualy post the dream.

Life has ben good since my last entry.  I have multiple jobs now instead of having none.  I work 18nhours at two different filing stations as a gas jockey and lube tech.  and 10 to 15 hours at an office as the manager of client outreach, the director of consultant relations and vice president of titles.  Okay, so I made all those titles up,but I do use two of them inmy emails. anyways thats a good 46 to 51 hours a week.  If I didn't find the money necessary, I might quit one to spend more time at home.

abby is doing wonderful.  She is so damnedf advanced.  We love her bunches.

Life is good..

8:24PM - Looking for an external Hard drive enclosure,

So, here is the deal. Trish's computer won't boot up, because a few files are broken or missing. She doesn't really care about fixing the OS because she thinks she wants to change to Linux anyways. However she wants to save some files. So if anyone has an external Hard Drive enclosure, that we could use, we could really use your help.

12:20PM - A man's gotta do...

Ok,  so if you haven't gotten a look at Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, I highly suggest giving it a look.  It's directed by Joss Whedon and features such talent as Neil Patrick Harris and Nathan Fillion. It's only going to exist in it's free form (or possibly any form) until Sunday, midnight.  Act I is now up, Act II goes up tomorrow and Act III is scheduled for Saturday.   It's pretty fun and definitely worth your time if you like any of the above mentioned people or have a fondness for the superhero genre.

8:16PM

Well, friends, I have been unfair to not write again since my last post.   Minds changed and I went camping, and somehow was even joined by my marvelous girlfriend at the Dubliner to see Pete play.

Since then things have been fairly good.  Stressers are still quite active but I am dealing with them one step at a time for the most part. 

Pride was marvelous as always.  Saw a few people i know there, the basics.

Anyways just thought I'd let the world know that things are doing better across the board now.

1:25AM - Too much.

I'm at quite possibly the worst place mentally that I have ever been in my life.  For those of you I've known for a while, you know thats saying something.  The stress that I feel going through me on an almost daily basis is crippling at times and I honestly can't think of a way o reduce the causes of it.   Right now i feel like I need to:
-Find a Job
Try to get back into some form of college
-pack up my room to paint it
-prepare for baby
-learn about parenting
-Make time for Trish
-Do whatever I can for my parents, specifficly whatever it is they ask me to do for the day
-Get my brother rides if he needs them (between dropping off and picking up tyler, and my mother I spent a total of 2 or 3 hours in a car on wedensday)
-Find time for me

Honestly, If I were more organized I could maybe get it all done without the last one.  Right now I feel like I'm sacrificing 2 or 3 of them for the sake of the rest.  I feel like garbage without work,.  When I do get a job though 2 to three hours (at most) of looking for a job will go to eight hours of working.  Granted being told what to do and spending less concerns on how to make my time work will do a lot for the stress.

Lately I've felt like I'm giving in to the stress and finding wierd things to do to keep my mind occupied and off the stress.  Then I just feel like I've been neglecting the other things that I need to get done and it just gets worse.  If there's anything I need to and can change its this.

Right now Trish is angry at me and I think that complications with her family camping trip are [edit: part of the reason] why.  I really want to see O'brian and I know trish has been aching to get there.  There's a few problems though. Consider this timeline:

Around a month ago I found out that a musician that I haven't been able to see for at least a year and who could be another year taking to get back  might be playing here on monday.

Two weeks ago the schedule of a new game thats starting up was agreed upon.  It includes Sunday during the day

One week ago I found out about camping from sunday until tuesday.  I said I would come for what I could.  Honestly, I feel that this is the best I can do.  I would love to go from sunday evening to monday afternoon I think it would still be plenty of fun and I'd get my first taste of the park.  Tonight Trish informed me that she planned to stay all three days.  Which is fine.  I'm a little disapointed because I really wanted to introduce Trish to Pete, not only as the perfectly amazing musician he is, but also as the great guy he is as well.  Pete isn't just a musician that I really enjoy, quite fankly more than any other live act I've seen in my life, he's also someone I consider a friend.  But she needs to decide whats best for her.

Then she told me I shouldn't even waste the gas if I was barely going to be there.  That stung.  I really would like to be there for whatever I can, and I know getting to O'brian is important to her.  Trish is the love of my life; I hate letting her down in any way. I just would really prefer to not miss Monday night, it's something I'e been looking forward to an entire month and will only be there for one night.  I want to get to O'brian bad, but it'll still be there next week, and one day right now isn't looking that bad.

Well anyway I think I'm going to get back to cleaning my room cause I know sure as hell sleeping isn't on the plate until I'm just plain worn out now.  I just wish I could find a way to get back on top of things instead of steadily making them worse.

[EDIT]: after re-reading this I noticed I failed to point out one thing.  The reason this week is so important for camping is family friends coming.  I'd love to be there for that too, even though to be honest they're very new people to me and I'm quite frankly extremly uncomfortable in new groups that know each other so well.  I've considered trying to get the car and staying over, and a couple of times I've considered staying back and working on the room, especially since a few comments made by her mother a week ago made me feel like I'm unwelcome until it gets done.  I've instead tried to find a balance between everything and apparently thats not good enough on any front.  I'm in a big balancing act right now and quite frankly the thing slipping the most is my sanity.  When I make a choice that tries to balance out the various things on my plate, I get nothing but complaints about my lack of efforts on all fronts,a nd some of them valid, because like I've said I've been slipping.  When I make choices to focus on things I get just as many bad responses from singular sources. I feel like I am unable to make anybody happy, including myself.  I would consier adding therapy to my growing list of shit to do, but I doubt I could afford it.

4:33PM

So, American Gladiators (which was quite awesome last night) is in the time slot before WWE Raw is War, which is great because the gladiators seem to be right out of professional wrestling.  3 hours of oiled up muscle.  Then bowling.  Score.

1:03PM - Happy (belated) New Years Everyone!

So, I haven't posted much.  I've been a little more than lame these past few months as far as using my blogs to keep the world updated.  Anyways, my last post was on a hospital phone I think, so in case you didn't know, thats all done, it was just a bad asthma attack and now its done.

Anyways, New Years.  My resolutions this year consist of eating healthier and exercising more.  So far I have followed both, though I haven't gotten in my modest workout for the day.  I'll do it this evening.  I should probably resolve to use this a little bit more often because it helps to organize what I've been up to.  I should definitely journal privately more often too.  Journaling would probably help me look at my emotions and the like.  Anyways, I hope to use this more often now, as having posts form over a year ago on my main page isn't very fun.

7:43PM - Voice Post

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6:40PM - Let's skip the cryptic bullshit this time.

So, I have once again found myself head over heels (which is a ridiculous phrase, seeing as one's head is usualy over one's heels. oh hey, look it's our old friend, otterly useless sidetracking).  Anyways, head over heals.  And as always, you guessed it, I have done jack and shit to do anything about it.  Maybe it's time for that to change.  We'll see.

7:36AM

I've been meaning to make this post for a week or so, it's slightly old news that you may not have heard as for some reason, no one is reporting on it.

Louisiana Judge (and alleged <by me> bigot), Frank Marullo, acquits Police Officer of police brutality charges stemming from the video-taped beating of 66 year old.  If you watch the video linked you'll also get to the point where he threatens the media member that is catching the beating on tape.


Robert Davis was booked with battery on a policeman, in one of those special instances when batterred by a policeman has been considerred a crime.

In trying to decide why no one has been reporting on this I have come up with only one conclusion other than apathy or fascist conspiracy: Coming out of Louisiana, racism is old news.

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1:07PM - You talk about day. I'm talkin' 'bout nighttime.

There are few times that I am happy to be wrong, this is one of them.  The eye is looking much better, so I'm pretty sure its just an abrasion.  W00t!

There are also few times I am unhappy to be right, here is one of them.  Hamline, it seems has made its choice final.  They are infact giving their bookstore to a corporate entity rather than renewing Dave young's lease.  Total and utter bullshit. As I have vbeen continualy saying, Hamline advertizes itself as a Comunity and runs itself as a corporation.  When I do go back to school it will probably be a state school.  Private colleges are over-rated and over-valued.

10:46AM - Damn damn damn damn

I go over 6 months without any need to get to the doctor (probably a record for me), and boom, when it rains it pours.

Pharengytis two weeks ago, almost in for my toe last week, and now, what I would be willing to bet is a corneal ulcer in my left eye.  Back to revolving door doctor visits for me.

1:41AM - Third sign of the appocalypse?

Rush Limbaugh recently opened his big mouth, and strangely enough, something intelligent, came out.

Wow.

On this topic (Virginia Tech incident), i really don't think there is much to for me to say.  It's tragic, we all know that.  I think its also tragic that everyone and their dog has come out of the woodwork to put their own spin on this.  Some are saying we should have more gun control, but then, when aren't they.  Others still are saying that if law-abiders could have had guns there this lone gunman could have been stopped.  Others are telling us that the violent video games need to be stopped, and of coarse, Phelps has come out to remind us that God hates us all, and that this is what we get for being gay.  Personally, I put all four theories at the same level, they're utter bull shit.  The only real issue here, is that 32 people were killed for no reason, and that is a tragedy.  Possibly we should be talking about better mental screening, but quite frankly, thats a discussion to be had later.

Limbaugh has it right for once.  We need to let the facts come together before we can even think about what factors are to blame.  Until then we should just shut the fuck up and let the healing process take place.

There is no one thing that we can remove to stop people from killing people (except for people in general, which at times I think I support). There is probably no way at all we can stop murder, except putting everyone in to their own individual cell.